5 Ways to Find Grace in the Face of Disappointment
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
I tasted tears in my toothpaste. I didn’t stop them from coming, even when I was doing a simple thing like brushing my teeth. Dancing down my face, doing what they wanted, when they wanted—I let them come. If it’s one thing I know about disappointment, it’s to let the tears tell your story. Let them come, let them loose, let them dance.
What do you when you’re faced with disappointment? What do you do when the trip is cancelled? When the relationship takes an unexpected turn? When a friend fails you? When your boss says, “I’m sorry, but we have to let you go?” When you expected one fantastic treat, but instead it’s a treat gone rancid?
What do we do with disappointments of all shapes and sizes?
Because disappointment and grief are cut from the same cloth, grief can be our guide in our search for grace. Here’s 5 ways I have found grace in the face of disappointment. May one of them speak to you.
5 Ways to Find Grace in the Face of Disappointment
1.Host a Pity Party.
That’s right. Get on your best sweats and worst top knot and cry. Grieve. Hold space for pain and sadness. Let your tears tell you what is lost. Name the losses. Naming says they are real, they are seen, they matter. Name the loss of adventure. Of a relationship. Of an opportunity. Of unmet expectations. Of a party. Of a hope. Of a friend. Name it all. Eat chocolate. Party with your pity. Whip soft things at walls. Tears release tension and heal hurt. But here’s the thing: parties eventually end. Maybe it’s a 15 minute pity party. Sometimes I commit to a 10 minute pity party, set the timer, and have at it. And sometimes it’s an all night rager. Either way, give yourself time to be sad. But then give yourself permission to get back in the game.
2.Share with Safe Friends.
Tell your friends about your disappointment—but the safe ones. The ones that won’t shame you for having big feelings about big (or little) things. The ones who will sit with you in the darkness and feeling your feelings. The ones who will say, “Me too, friend.” The ones who will send you SNL videos featuring alien invasions because laughter really is good medicine. The ones who have empathy, compassion, and grace.
3.Write A Great Next Paragraph.
You are in the part of your story featuring a valley of disappointment and grief. What would you like to happen next? What kind of person do you want to be after this? How do you want to come out of this? What do you want to learn? You can make some choices from here and write a great next paragraph to your story. You can imagine a better day, a better job, a better life. Our thoughts are powerful. Think good ones. Write great ones.
4.Coach Your Soul.
The writers of the Bible were no strangers to disappointment. They grieved. They lamented. They wept. Jesus very much included. I love how Habakkuk coaches his soul as he looks at all the devastation. He names it all, very specifically. But then He names a good God. He coaches his soul to see the strength standing there with him. He writes:
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.”
5.Get your Chin Up.
Even if it’s one degree at a time. Try to look outside of your disappointing situation, even for just 30 seconds. Try to see something sweet. Look for the lovely. You find what you are looking for, so try to find the good. Even if it’s looking up from the floor to the window and seeing that the sun coming through. Light is good. It tells us darkness isn’t forever. It gives hope of a new day. It grows things into the beautiful flowers they are meant to be.
Oh friend, disappointment is no joke. May one of these five be grace to you today.